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Another memo from HR

Following our previous correspondence and subsequent company re-engineering and streamlining, it has come to our notice that some employees are still acting in ways detrimental to our company ethos and brand-values. Therefore, we will be tightening our strictures, as it is the right thing to do. Please answer the form below and take the appropriate action.

Do you:

Ever say,

‘My bad’?

‘On point’?

‘Your little face’?

‘It’s the right thing to do’?

Use the word ‘adorable’?

Wear clothes with a logo over 2cm in size?

Use the phrase ‘resting-bitch’ face?

Have a resting-bitch face?

Call people you hate ‘friends and partners’?  

Wear leggings?

Use exclamation marks?

Speed up when people are crossing the road?

Drive a 4×4?

Drive a car?

Care about the royal family?

Think Prince Philip is a good laugh?

Watch the Crown?

Watch Downton Abbey?

Film live concerts on your phone?

Think you might be Michael Gove?

Go to Starbucks?

Rent out a property?

Ask to be called ‘they’?

Buy the Daily Mail?

Take selfies in hospital?

Post things on Facebook about cleaning up the beach when you live in London?

Post anything on Facebook?

Give up drinking in October and/or January?

Grow a moustache in November?

Have a moustache?

Not read books?

Think life is too hectic?

Refuse to watch soaps?

Have more than two children?

If you answered yes to any of the above;

YOU’RE FIRED

 

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